No One Ever Told Me Grief Felt So Like Fear

Subject: No One Ever Told Me Grief Felt So Like Fear Wed Apr 08, 2020 8:37 pm

He could feel acid bubbling at his throat and swallowed as hard as he could to get rid of it. Maris coughed a little, gagged even because the feeling was absolutely nasty to him. The moon elf took a deep breath to help calm his stomach as he was definitely feeling the effects of drinking too much. His steps were staggered and he was clearly not walking in a straight line anymore. A few times there, he felt like he was about to throw up, but tried hard not to. At one point, he paused and had to rest against a tree to catch his breath and ease himself back into walking. The monk groaned softly, clutching at his stomach before finally retching up the alcohol.

"Oh gods," he mumbled with heavy breaths, wiping away the throw up left on his lips. "I think I went a little overboard there, but damn... that's never happened before. The alcohol is supposed to help me, not make everything spin in endless circles. I'm the damned Drunken Master for the gods' sake, this shouldn't even happen to me." By now, he was murmuring to himself, ignorant of his surroundings and Vashd near him. He took in a deep breath and stretched his arms and back, trying to ease as much of the sickness as possible. "Oh, I'm really gonna regret this in the morning, I'm fairly certain of that."

Town was swiftly approaching and before long, they were walking along its cobblestone path. Maris was just aimlessly walking, trying to get back to the tavern they had been in. He rubbed his face and shook his head a little, which staggered his steps and made him stumble. "I guess I need to work on not being such a lightweight anymore," he stated. His eyes tried looking at Vashd, but at this point he wasn't even sure where he was at. Now he had stopped paying attention to where they were going, and he ran right into the tavern's door. "Oh, I guess we're here now," he blubbered, fumbling to open the door and walk in.

theme song

Hobbit Drinking Medley

Tagged: @marshy

Marshy @ THQ

Vashd sighed as he enjoyed a gulp from Maris's flask. He had grown accustomed to watching Maris stumbling around. He had followed him around the town as Maris ran around drunk. He had only stayed by the man because he was afraid he would wander off and get himself killed, and to be honest, not many people stuck around long, so he figured he would at least make sure that Maris was all right. He was starting to spiral out of control though, and Vashd was starting to grow a little irritated. What once was funny and entertaining, was starting to become depressing and sad.

He watched as the man puked and tried not to care. It made his stomach a little squeamish just listening to it. Maris had recanted why he was acting this way, but it was far from an 'honorable' way to be. He knew how falling for someone felt, but he had never been married. Still, he felt for the man, who looked like a pathetic wreck at the moment. He took another swig of the strong liquor. He needed to pull Maris out of this but how. After Maris uttered about being a drunken master, his eyes widened. He had an idea.

"Maris, its time we got you over your trauma. I have a group of 'friends' of mine who might be able to get your head right. You are useless to everyone like this. We got to harden your heart a bit buddy." He walked over and put Maris's arm over his shoulder. "I don't want to hear any protest... We will leave in the morning. Let's get you to sleep."

He heard his name and glanced up, noticing that Vashd had started talking to him. Maris waved a hand at him, as if brushing aside what the other man was saying. "I don't need any help; I've dealt with this many days before," the man pointed out. "I just gotta get over it a bit and then I'll be all good and back to myself... hopefully." The drunken master shrugged slightly, feeling Vashd grab his arm and put it over his shoulders. "Why do you bother helping me? No one's ever cared, they just stare at me or avoid eye contact. I've become an embarrassment of the monastery; I doubt I can even show my face there anymore."

A whimper escaped his lips, but he tried disguising it as a cough very shoddily. "No one has ever cared," Maris repeated, memories flashing before his eyes. "My parents even cared very little for me and left me behind as they went to Evermeet to save their lives. They abandoned and let the demons have me, as if I was worth nothing to them. I've been an embarrassment and used my whole life; it's something I'm used to expecting." He heaved a sigh and dragged his feet a little bit more, almost giving all his weight to Vashd. Maris was trying very hard right now to not bawl his eyes out over stupid shit.

"Do you know that I have a daughter out there somewhere?" he asked Vashd. "No, you wouldn't, you barely know me. She was born of rape, but I was at least given a chance to see her. She was the most beautiful thing in the entire world and she was taken from me." Tears streaked his face now and memories came flooding back of everything that has ever happened to him. It was a terrible curse to have a memory of his, but at the same time, it was a beautiful thing. Addy's face was a reminder of something wonderful that he had been a part of. But it was also a constant reminder of how things were so easily taken from him.

"I had a beautiful wife before all of this as well... or at least a soon-to-be wife. But just like my daughter, she was ripped away from me, just to remind me I can't have anything in this cruel world. The deities all laugh at me, I'm fairly certain of that, and I've given up on believing in any of them. They're cruel and heartless... no deity would ever take those things from you, would they? Apparently, they can and they will just to have some form of entertainment in their pathetic lives. How can someone be so cruel? How can someone think that it's okay to do something like that?" His drunkenness was having him heave uncontrollable sobs by now as he tried to fight them back.

"Why can't anything go right for me? What the hell did I do wrong to cause all of this? What did I do to deserve such a shitty life compared to everyone else I've met? She was so young and then she was just torn from my grasp because I failed to protect the one thing I loved the most. They were both taken from me because somewhere along the line, I had to have taken something for granted. I was unappreciative somewhere and now the deities are punishing me in the worst way possible." Maris paused briefly in his rambling and looked up at Vashd for a moment, thinking. "Why haven't you killed me yet? You've seen how terrible I am, how pathetic of a person I can be..."

theme song

Hobbit Drinking Medley

Tagged: @marshy

Marshy @ THQ

Vashd let Maris vent to him. He had heard some of this before, but never seen Maris so drunk before. He didn't know what to say to make him feel better. He too hated the gods as Cyric had killed the only one he had cared to worship. He also had grown up as an orphan given to a monastery. He knew the lifestyle, but never was a rules man. He preferred to live a more free lifestyle.

He was now far more sure than he was before about where they were going, but he just needed Maris to pass out. He knew where he could help him remove those feelings of dread that he knew of, but was taught to deal with. He needed to help Maris, but Maris had a point.

Why was he helping Maris? He had a point. Even so, Maris acknowledged him and didn't run. It was nice to have someone to deal with again. It was nice to have someone give him the same level of sarcasm. It was also nice to see someone else appreciate the ladies. He shook his head.

"Maris... do you really think I am heartless? If I was really heartless... why am I here? I'm here. Maybe my bindings were released because the person who needed me was YOU Maris... I'm taking you to where I grew up tomorrow, and we are going to get you better. Then we can go kill the damn gods together for being so arrogant and putting us through so much pain buddy. Alright? How does that sound?"

Maris twitched his ears in response to Vashd, acknowledging what the man had said. He was too far gone by now though, his head limp and his feet barely working to carry him. The sniffling had stopped and his breathing had slowed a bit as he tried meditating some. It was something that was very hard to do in this state, as his mind was buzzing with things. Everything spun around him as he stared at the world before him, trying to take all of it in. The moon elf could feel bile rising up his throat, but he swallowed to keep it at bay. His head pound like someone was slamming a rock against his head and he shut his eyes.

Soon enough, the monk's breathing changed, having slowed down to almost nonexistent. Maris' body went limp shortly after, giving all of his weight for Vashd to haul. His eyes remained closed and it was very clear that he had passed out from drinking so much.

theme song

The Dark Ones

Tagged: @marshy

Marshy @ THQ

Vashd gently lifted Maris up over his shoulder, and then placing his scythe over the other with a weak smile. He turned and began walking towards the tavern. He would have to get things around tonight so that they could leave in the morning. Perhaps a horse and cart would be in order so that Maris could enjoy the scenery without the stress of the journey. He sighed as he arrived at the tavern and pushed the door open. He was used to not caring, and not worrying. This was a new... low for him. Carrying around a drunk. The only reason he allowed Maris to bring him this low is because he understood. He had been through the stresses of life. He disdained the gods and saw them as sadistic.

He ignored the patrons as he began to drag them both up the stairs for the night. He laid Maris on his own bed, not caring to drag him to the elf's room as his own was closer, covering him up and wiping his face with a warm damp cloth but lightly as not to wipe him. He shook his head. What was he doing? This was the weirdest experience he had had yet in his life. It was like his very soul cared for this man and wanted him to get better. The heartache and the sadness felt almost shared. He needed to make him better.

"Tomorrow we will head to the monestary where I was raised. I think you need a new place to call home... Somewhere you can get over your issues and grow stronger in both spirit and body... You are just as good as dead otherwise. You need to learn to live again Maris..."

The young moon elf breathed in deeply, taking in the air as if it was fresh breath of new life. His eyes barely cracked open, but their blue hue was visible to anyone looking at him. He blinked a few times to adjust to how blurry his vision was, assuming that he was still drunk. However, his vision eventually cleared up so that he could see everything around him perfectly. That wasn't the case for his head though, as it gave off a pounding sensation that vibrated his whole body. Maris shivered at the feeling, looked himself over, and figured he had at least survived the night. A groan left his lips and he rubbed his face, trying to get rid of the pain that ebbed in his mind.

Maris pushed himself off the bed, stumbling a little as he still felt a bit of the effects of drinking. He stretched each and every muscle possible before he decided he was finally awake. This was where he was able to get a better look at the room he was in and realized this was not his. The monk glanced toward the window that was part of the room and squinted his eyes against the sunlight. It was daylight, which meant he had fallen unconscious at some point the day before and slept the rest of it away. His eyes glossed over the room, spotting a few things that belonged to Vashd. A sigh escaped his lips and he plopped back down on the bed, covering his face with his hands.

How embarrassing... he made a fool of himself in front of yet another person. Just how often was he going to do this? Maris raked his fingers through his disheveled long, black hair, pulling it out of his face. He reached down toward his belt and felt around for his flask, but couldn't find it. His eyes narrowed into icy slits, trying to figure out where it had gone to since he arrived here. The moon elf had never noticed Vashd had taken his flask and he was beginning to freak out. "Where the hell..." Maris began, patting at his pants with hope that perhaps it just fell down somewhere. "I kind of need it... where the fuck did it go? How am I supposed to be able to function in battle without it?"

theme song

The Dark Ones

Tagged: @marshy

Marshy @ THQ

Vashd was lounging in a large wooden tub in the corner when Maris finally woke up, having slept light due to worry. "Finally awake...." he stated lazily. He knew he would need a nap later in the day as his legs hung out the tub as he lounged lazily. "You know, I was raised by monks, and one of them was a drunken master. You, sir, cannot seriously expect for me to believe you are a drunken master when you can't keep up..." he pulled Maris's flask to his mouth and gulped, already drunk at this early hour. "Maybe... you lost your mojo. You just need to go to a monetary and train a bit. I could take you back to the monestary that raised me. They can help, I'm sure they will!" He grinned as he ran a wet hand through his long black locks.

He closed his eyes for a moment and hummed. His face felt numb and the alcohol Maris had in the flask was not one he was sure he was familiar with. Either way, he enjoyed it, and had been drinking for a good hour now. He looked over at Maris and he opened his mouth as if he remembered something, then closed it. Moaning, he went back to lounging.

Vashd's voice reached Maris' ears and he turned his head to look at the drunk bastard. He rolled his eyes and crossed his arms, staring at Vashd in disbelief at what he said. "I don't believe a single word you just said," he stated, huffing out a frustrated sigh. "You're already drunk, which clearly means that you cannot handle the alcohol in there. A lot of the benefits that come with drinking alcohol like that are only given to Drunken Masters. Quite frankly, I'm a very honorable Drunken Master; I like my alcohol just like all the other ones. And let me tell you, Little One, it's about the merriment and revelry you can have during it."

Maris snatched his flask from Vashd and clasped it back to his hip, eyeing the man. It was a little mortifying to have to walk up to the tub and take it from him, but he still did it anyway. As he backed away from it, his face was flushed red slightly and he cleared his throat. "Where was it that you were planning to take me?" he inquired, tilting his head a bit. "Training is training after all and I will endure whatever it is that you have planned to throw at me." After last night, Maris was now trying to redeem himself somewhat because even he knew his behavior was horrible. A moment afterward, the monk unclipped his flask and took a chug of it, letting out a sigh of relief as he was flooded with rejuvenation.

theme song

Let It Die

Tagged: @marshy

Marshy @ THQ

Vashd continued to lazily wash himself, letting the alcohol take its effect as Maris came up and snatched the flask. He didn't fight it but eyed him seriously. "Get so drunk I have to carry you home like that again and I'm keeping it until you get better!" He just continued washing himself, showing no shame. There was one line he couldn't handle though. He busted out laughing, in a drunken. Fit of stupor. "Little one... is that a height issue pr do you think you are older than me because I'm a human? Now I know you never heard of me." He chuckled amused.

"I've been around for over 300 years now Maris." He leaned in with a drunken smirk, "I won't go into detail but I was born around 1078.... mmmy good friend. Ugh... not by choice, mind you, iiits just how it happened..."

After going on his short rant he stopped and looked shocked for a second. "Take yyy- oh yeah! To the mmonestary I grew up at. Its agctually nearby... a few days travel." The booze had finally hit him full bore and he was ok with it. He had a content look on his face, and forgot for the moment why he wanted to drink but was happy. He went to bring the flask to his lips again, realizing it was gone. "Oh y-yeah..."

The moon elf frowned when Vashd said he would take his flask again if he got drunk like that. He put his flask back on his hip and gave a shrug of his shoulders in reply to him. "I don't think you've realized that I let myself get like that on purpose, not unintentionally. Have you forgotten that a Drunken Master is able to turn his alcohol into a rejuvenating component? I could have easily pulled myself out of that stupor, but I really didn't want to at the time. It was better to wallow in self pity than it was to act like things weren't hurting me. I'm sure you understand, don't you? Or has those 300 years hardened your heart?"

He was silent for a moment, watching the other man wash himself up as lazily as possible. It irritated him slightly to watch how slow Vashd was washing up, but that was probably due to his drunkenness. "It doesn't matter how old you are compared to me," he broke the silence eventually. "What matters is what you've gone through and what've I gone through is what defines us. And you are right about one thing, I shouldn't let her death get to me as easily as I have. But it does hurt... and it hurts a lot... I didn't think I could love someone as much as I did." Maris let a small sigh escape his lips and he walked over to where Vashd had piled his clothes.

To preoccupy his mind, the elf began to meticulously fold the clothes and put them on the bed. "What was the purpose behind taking my flask? It clearly wasn't to just keep it away from me," Maris pointed out. "You're drunk now and if you're drunk, then we're obviously not going to be able to get anything done." He finished setting the clothes up nice, dusted himself off, and turned back to Vashd. "And would you stop washing yourself so slowly, it's annoying; you're drunk, not handicapped. Get out so we can go... I don't want to stay here too much longer and you're the only who knows where the monastery is at."

theme song

Let It Die

Tagged: @marshy

Marshy @ THQ

Vashd listened to Maris, arching his back to stretch and feeling quite amused. He sighed at Maris's comment about wallowing in self pity, but kind of understood. He was like that once. He was quite amused by his comment about bathing though, and teasingly held out the sponge. "I have my reasons for taking this bath right now. The monestary doesn't have hot water, but if you want to make sure I am nice and clean," he said, seemingly talking much straighter than he had previously led on, "I am drunk and I might miss a spot." He raised an amused eyebrow quickly and it fell back to place, the smirk obvious on his face.

"As for showing emotions... I used to be a pretty religious man. Nothing takes you down to size, though, like watching your god being turned to dust before you. You said the gods treated you like shit, right? Ever thought of making them pay? That's my goal..."

"I am used to monastery waters not being that warm," he responded to Vashd. "Water is just water and no matter how hot or cold it is, it still does its job." Maris shrugged slightly and walked over to the tub, then knelt down and took the sponge. He began to wash Vashd as he had suggested, rinsing off his back and arms. The elf quietly listened to the older man ramble on about the gods killing his own. It was something he hadn't experienced, but also wouldn't wish it on anyone either. A soft sigh escaped his lips and he briefly stopped washing Vashd to think for a moment.

"Why would I want to make the gods pay?" Maris inquired, "I know they can be unjust, but there is always a reason behind everything they do. I may not like what they have done, but... what they have done has led me here. It is not as horrible as it seems, though I may make it out to be like it is... While I dearly love my daughter, she was born of rape with a succubus, that makes her a half-fiend. I highly doubt she is even capable of remembering who I am or even feels the love toward me as I do to her. As for Addy, I truly did love her more than anything in this world, even alcohol, I do love my alcohol... But there was always something off about her that I could never put my finger on."

Maris preceded with washing Vashd, briefly pausing in what he was telling him about. The silence was impeding though and he greatly hated having such between them. "I believe she was destined for something greater than what I was made for. Hence why she was taken from me, I just hope that she at least remembers to visit me. Spirits are capable of that, I like to believe; it's why I visit her grave often at my castle." He frowned slightly and pulled back from finishing washing the other man up. "I am sorry for what has happened to you; no one should ever have to go through something like that."

He set the sponge down on the side of the tub and stood up, taking a few steps back to sit down on the bed. "I would still like for us to go to the monastery, of course. Any sort of knowledge is more than desirable to learn."

theme song

Let It Die

Tagged: @marshy

Marshy @ THQ

Vashd contently listened to the elf's reply. He rolled his eyes at him being so willing to give the gods a pass and sighed at his answer. He didn't say anything yet and let there be silence for a while while he continued getting watched. He loved this. No one had ever washed him before and it was a bit arousing as he fought to hide the fact that he was a bit turned on. Perhaps women weren't the only ones he could go for. He shook his head a little bit as Maris stopped washing him and smiled.

"Maris... I was the Chosen of Myrkul. I fought along side him during the times of troubles to unite the tablets. The gods aren't all knowing and they certainly seem to think littler of us... but they are just more powerful, and that is it. People believe they have some divine purpose for everyone, but that is hog wash. They need knocked down off their clouds and thrown in the fire..."

He looked at Maris with a cocked head and sighed as he got up and slowly walked over towards a drying cloth. "As for your training, I need you to be more... calculating and used to death. If not, able to deal the blows yourself. The monastery I was raised in is an Order of the Long Death, here in the Marches in fact. Are you sure you want the training? You act like you think being righteous is the better way to go... when it is just a choice, fashioned by men of intelligence to downtrodden the less fortunate... Those who think for themselves... or those who see how hypocritical the laws of these lands are. I digress, however. If you want to be trained by the Long Death, I will still be happy to take you..."

"I have never thought of it that way," Maris said, feeling a bit downtrodden by the thought. "But I also have never really followed any god to begin with, I never had the chance to. Most of my life has consisted of living with demons and hoping I survived to the next day. I didn't think any god would ever actually want someone who associate with demons to follow them. I'm a bad apple..." His voice trailed off as he realized what he had just said. "That's probably the reason why all of these bad things keep happening to me." The frown settled deeper onto his mouth and he stood up from the bed again.

He clenched his fists together and gritted his teeth briefly before calming himself down. "Yes, I am certain I still want the training," Maris stated, "I think I am well deserving of it." The Monks of the Long Death were a very gruesome and macabre set of people. And they thought Drunken Masters were to be despised because of their love of alcohol... What about those monks? The monks that were designed to kill just to study it? "I feel I am well versed in the killing of people, I just have never done it personally. I've seen it enough though that I think I know what I am supposed to be doing there."

He was not going to like what he was meant to be doing there, but it had to be done. "Just... make sure that I actually go through with everything they tell me to do. Even if it is as hard as killing a child and watching the light leave their eyes as they look at you in betrayal."

theme song

Let It Die

Tagged: @marshy

Marshy @ THQ